I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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