I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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