We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
