I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
