I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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