just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
