Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Success! We fucked roommates!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
