You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
