I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
