You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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