I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
