You can't motorboat a personality
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
