So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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