well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My feet surprised me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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