Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
