Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we're making bets on your personal life
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
