We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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