i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
