The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
