I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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