i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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