dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He has the fingertips of a God
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