ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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