She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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