Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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