I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
