like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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