My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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