your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
