So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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