Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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