She went from zero to smokin in five shots
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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