hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
