last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hippo gnu deer
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So vagazzling was a success
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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