got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
