I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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