Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
