Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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