Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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