She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
