A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
