I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
