Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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