just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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