was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All the doctor said was why
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
