Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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