I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
