just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
