The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
