She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
