I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
