dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
