I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
